2006-01-17 - 10:57 p.m.
you know how something always goes wrong when you think everything is going great. well i broke up with my boyfriend about a week or so ago now and sinse then all i have heard from people is how bad his life is. i know thats ok to be told about it, i know that the way i have been acting towards it is good, i'm sad for him and want to be there for him. the only problem with that is if i'm there from him too much he'll want to get back together and i don't know if i want that you know. i have so much work to do it hurts my head just to think of it. i have my log book that i have been writing for 4 months to hand in tomorrow so that will be out of the way by this time tomorrow evening. it still doesn't make me feel any better. it's shit not feeling the same as the other person. i wish that i did. i wish that i had fallen in love again, but i just haven't. i'm so detatched from everything and everyone. my housemates see me before i go to bed and when i wake up and thats it usually. i don't want to put that on him. i don't want it to get too far and then find i feel the same as i do now even when i don't have all this work to do. i'll always be busy. i like being busy i like the pressure to do well. i like having to have something in for the next day. it gives me a rush. he's not like that. he likes to chill, which is great every now and then, i just don't think i can be like that. i don't know, for now i have other things to be worrying about. finishing my course being a big one. then who knows.
anyway enough of that i now have another person coming to see my play on friday. a friend from college is coming over from bristol to see it. haven't seen him for a while so that should be nice. we are all thinking of going for a meal after which will be so good. i have a friend from reading coming to stay the weekend which is the best part, aprt from my mum, because i miss him so much when he goes away. he's brill. anyway i ashould get some sleep, i have to be up really early tomorrow. see ya soon.
TTFN
