2006-08-22 - 4:06 p.m.
regret. thats a funny word. we all have them dont we. i mean some of them are silly regrets like i wish i went to the pool now instead of sitting here working!
but some are more serious, like its a shame i didnt check the cooker before going out and burning my house down!
well this regret could change my life. as i am about to say something that will either fire back at me and kill me or will embrace me. but then again i dont think that will happen.
this person knows who he is. i bet he does read this any more, but it worth a shot.
we said that no matter what happened to us we would be in each others lives. the godparents of our children, the friend who only spoke to you once a month. but we never said best friends. now i used to be such good friends with this person that we could sit there and say nothing and stilll feel drained with laughter. a look, a raise of the eyebrows and that would be it. we played football in the dark and almost got arrested.
i dont speak to a lot of people now a days. i got wrapped up in my own little world that didnt help me at all. i keep thinking that if i would of had more of my friends aound me my last couple of years would have been easier. i wouldnt of had depression. i wouldnt have left the country. but these are silly regrets and we cant really do anything about them. well the fact is that in october i will be coming back to england and hopoe to get hold of a few friends and go for a drink. i was hoping that this person will come along too. but lets face it i cant just ring him as the reception might not be the best in the world and i am a coward to the bone. so here is my question. delete it if you will. i want to see you. i want to laugh with you, just for one day i want to get all that crap out of my system and let you do the same. i hear your happy and that makes me smile. bring who ever you want, i just want to see your face alive with animation. rather than still in a picture full of memories.
so if you are still at least the person who values all people, even georgie, email me, with what ever you want. i dont mind. you can email shout at me, or email curse me all you like, but i tried not talking i tried being up front and i cant stop from wondering. so in october i hope to see people including you.
i hope you can find it in that big huge heart you carry around with you to speak to me again. i have done this once before but i promise myself more than anyone that my friends have always been there and wether you realise it or not, on my graduation i knew how proud you would have been if i still knew you. just because we dont love each other any more doesnt mean we lost the abiliy to talk.
